Talking to Children (Part 2)

In my children’s magic shows and in my clinics, I focus on actively listening to children. In my first post, I wrote about the OWL strategy that I use to follow children’s leads. The OWL strategy helps create a ‘safe’ environment for the child to initiate. After the child has initiated conversation with you, it is your turn to respond.

Now that the ball is on your court, you have to respond in a way such that the conversation will keep going. In my magic shows, I have to make sure that the conversation keeps going or else, the children will lose interest. Thank God that in my training as a speech therapist, I am taught how to keep a conversation going with children  (Transferable skills to Children’s Magic Shows).

I comment on what the child/children are saying. Commenting helps show the child/children that you are interested in what he/she/they are saying or showing you. When you comment, you are still following the child’s lead, and you build on the topic. It is easier for a child to continue talking about a topic he/she is interested in. When children initiate, I respond immediately to them with warmth and enthusiasm. It also helps that I am quite animated.

Here’s an example of how I use comments in my shows:

(When the green balls appear in the child’s hands)

Child	Wow! It’s in my hands.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	Wow! The green balls jumped to your hands.
Child	How did it jump there?
Sam Sam the Magic Man	I don’t know. What do you think?
Child	It’s magic. You are magic.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	You did the magic. You are magic.

Here’s another example from my volunteer work at the hospital:

(When the child and I were playing video games)

Child	Jump on the monster.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	Ok. The monster’s flattened.
Child	Flat as a pancake.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	We’ll flatten all the monsters.
Child	Let’s flatten all the monsters. We can do it together. Jump! Jump! jump!
Sam Sam the Magic Man	Jump! Jump! Jump!

Comments are really powerful to keep a conversation going. It does not need to be complicated. It does not need to be long. In fact, I try my best to keep it brief and to the point. This makes it easier for children to understand, and to think of their response.

Comments do need to be specific to the child’s topic. I’m sure some of us have been in conversations when the other party gives vague responses or changes the topic suddenly. I’m sure that at those times, we felt that the other party was insincere or not interested in us. Similarly, children will feel the same. I make sure that children always feel that I am interested in what they say. I do this by OWLing (see previous post on “Talking to Children”) and replying according to the child’s topic and interest.

One way we often reply children is with questions. Questions are a little trickier to use. Sometimes, when I meet someone new, they ask me a lot of questions: “What are you working as?”, “What do you do as a children’s magician?”, “How do you learn magic?”, “Can you even earn money as a children’s magician?”. While I am able to answer them (because people tend to ask the same questions), it is a lot of pressure on me to keep the conversation going by ‘answering’ correctly. Similarly, questions can put a lot of pressure on children to ‘answer’ them correctly. This pressure replaces the child’s interest and hence stops the conversation. It is especially so when we use “testing” questions (that tests the child’s knowledge rather than continues the conversation): “What colour is it?”, “What letter does it start with?” ,“How do you spell it?”… One way around this problem is by turning questions into comments by filling in the answers to the questions we originally wanted to ask.

For example, while volunteering at the children’s hospital:

(When a young child shows me a picture)

Child	This is for you. It’s a whale.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	(Instead of “How big is it?”, I say) It is a really big whale.
Child	I like whales.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	(Instead of “Where do whales live?”, I say) Whales swim in the sea.
Child	I like swimming, and I like whales because they swim in the sea.

I enjoy commenting on a child’s interest as children then elaborate on their interests and share with me the story they have to tell. Try to use comments more, and turn questions into a comment. Speaking of comments (great segue), leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

10 ways to have a better conversation | Celeste Headlee:

Just wanted to share this TED talk, as I found it really interesting and useful.

Here are the points she covered.

1. Don’t Multitask- Do not think about something else you would rather do, or be on your mobile...
2. Don’t Pontificate - enter every conversation thinking that you have something to learn (set aside your personal opinion)
3. Use Open-ended questions -"What was that like?" "How does that feel?"
4. Go with the flow - Keep in the moment, if you thought of something there and then, say it out there and then. If you wait, then it's too late. 
5. If you don’t know, say you don’t know.
6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs- it’s not the same, it’s never the same. All experiences are individual. It’s not about you.
7. Try not to repeat yourself. It’s condescending and boring.
8. Stay out of the weeds - forget the details, leave them out. The detail's are not as interesting as you as a person.
9. Listen with the intend to understand rather than the intend to response.
10. Be brief

I find that these same points will help me in my children's magic shows and whenever I talk to children. By keeping the focus on children and by OWLing, I believe that the children will find that I am interested in what they are saying. This is especially when I am performing magic to children as I am not just showing them a magic trick but am having a conversation with children

Bag of Mystery

As a children’s magician, I’ve noticed that children are always curious about what I have in my magic bag. I also noticed that same interest whenever I bring out a prop that looks like a bag. It doesn’t matter whether the bag is used in the magic trick, children are always interested in “what’s in the bag”?

A bag hides the items that are contained in them, and hence children (and adults) are naturally curious (I always wonder and try to sneak a peek at what’s in my girlfriend’s handbag). The bag helps to hold the interest of children. It can also help both the adult and child share their focus and interest when you remove one item at a time from it.

Here are some game ideas using a bag (any bags around the house that can hide an object) and items around the house:

(1) What’s in the bag? (Guessing game)

a.     Fill a bag up with several items/ toys.

b.     Take turns grabbing an item in the bag (you can take the item out and place it in a separate bag so that it is easier for your child to concentrate if needed)

c.      Describe the item

                                               i.     what is it shaped like,

                                              ii.     what colour is it,

                                            iii.     who uses it/ what does it do

                                            iv.     where is it found

                                              v.     what type of group does it belong to,

                                            vi.     how do you use it, what can you do with it

                                           vii.     when would you use it,

                                         viii.     why would you use it…

d.     The player who successfully guesses it keeps the item as a point he has won. *note, it is more important that your child tries different ways of describing an item.

e.     Alternative rule: Instead of describing it for another person, you can also reach into the bag, and try to guess the object through touch alone.

(2) Story Bags (role-playing game)

a.     Together with your child, come up with some stories you both enjoy. Choose one of the stories.

b.     Find objects that are related to the chosen story.

c.      Grab an item from the bag one at a time, and

d.     Retell and re-enact the chosen story.

e.     Feel free to expand and create your plots with the chosen story as a background.

(3) Bag of Tools (problem-solving game)

a.     Together with you child, come up with some ideas about imagined situations, i.e. “you are stuck on an island and you need to build a raft”, “you locked yourself in and you need to open the door”, “you need to bake a cake but have no utensils”

b.     Find objects that you can use as a “tool” to help you with your goal (there are no right or wrong answers, just different ideas to explore).

c.      Take one item out of the bag at a time

d.     Discuss how you can use that item to help you in your situation.

e.     Act it out.

There are many more games or activities we can do with bags. Let me know in the comments below of any, and if this games have been useful. Have fun!

Talking to children

I love talking to children. They are always so excited to share what they have to say. I feel a buzz going right through me every time children tell me their stories. I have the best job as a speech pathologist and as a children’s birthday party magician. Children feel they can share their thoughts and their ideas with me. I always create a safe zone where children are encouraged to talk without fear of being dismissed.

How do I do this? I get face to face with the child and then follow his/her lead and interest by OWLing. I OWL in my clinics. I OWL in my volunteer work. I even OWL in my magic shows. What is OWL? Observe. Wait. Listen. (See It takes two to talk, and Learning Language and Loving it; http://www.hanen.org)

Observe- I observe what the child is doing, and pay close attention to what he/she is interested in, doing, or what  his/her body language is saying. Be interested in what he/she is interested in.

Wait- I stop talking, lean in and smile to show I am interested in what he/she is saying. Sometimes, I wait up to 10 seconds just to make sure that he/she has enough time to think about what to say. It may feel awkward but waiting shows you care about what he/she wants to say.

Listen- I remain quiet, smiling, and nodding in response to what he/she tells me. I pay close attention to his/her words, his/her tone, and then when it’s my turn to speak, I acknowledge what he/she has told me and add a comment to show my interest. Sometimes, I use a checking question just to make sure I heard him/her right.

If you feel your child has something important and special he/she wants to tell you, try OWLing. You will be amazed by how magical your child responds. Let me know if this has been helpful by leaving a comment.