Talking to Children (Part 2)

In my children’s magic shows and in my clinics, I focus on actively listening to children. In my first post, I wrote about the OWL strategy that I use to follow children’s leads. The OWL strategy helps create a ‘safe’ environment for the child to initiate. After the child has initiated conversation with you, it is your turn to respond.

Now that the ball is on your court, you have to respond in a way such that the conversation will keep going. In my magic shows, I have to make sure that the conversation keeps going or else, the children will lose interest. Thank God that in my training as a speech therapist, I am taught how to keep a conversation going with children  (Transferable skills to Children’s Magic Shows).

I comment on what the child/children are saying. Commenting helps show the child/children that you are interested in what he/she/they are saying or showing you. When you comment, you are still following the child’s lead, and you build on the topic. It is easier for a child to continue talking about a topic he/she is interested in. When children initiate, I respond immediately to them with warmth and enthusiasm. It also helps that I am quite animated.

Here’s an example of how I use comments in my shows:

(When the green balls appear in the child’s hands)

Child	Wow! It’s in my hands.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	Wow! The green balls jumped to your hands.
Child	How did it jump there?
Sam Sam the Magic Man	I don’t know. What do you think?
Child	It’s magic. You are magic.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	You did the magic. You are magic.

Here’s another example from my volunteer work at the hospital:

(When the child and I were playing video games)

Child	Jump on the monster.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	Ok. The monster’s flattened.
Child	Flat as a pancake.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	We’ll flatten all the monsters.
Child	Let’s flatten all the monsters. We can do it together. Jump! Jump! jump!
Sam Sam the Magic Man	Jump! Jump! Jump!

Comments are really powerful to keep a conversation going. It does not need to be complicated. It does not need to be long. In fact, I try my best to keep it brief and to the point. This makes it easier for children to understand, and to think of their response.

Comments do need to be specific to the child’s topic. I’m sure some of us have been in conversations when the other party gives vague responses or changes the topic suddenly. I’m sure that at those times, we felt that the other party was insincere or not interested in us. Similarly, children will feel the same. I make sure that children always feel that I am interested in what they say. I do this by OWLing (see previous post on “Talking to Children”) and replying according to the child’s topic and interest.

One way we often reply children is with questions. Questions are a little trickier to use. Sometimes, when I meet someone new, they ask me a lot of questions: “What are you working as?”, “What do you do as a children’s magician?”, “How do you learn magic?”, “Can you even earn money as a children’s magician?”. While I am able to answer them (because people tend to ask the same questions), it is a lot of pressure on me to keep the conversation going by ‘answering’ correctly. Similarly, questions can put a lot of pressure on children to ‘answer’ them correctly. This pressure replaces the child’s interest and hence stops the conversation. It is especially so when we use “testing” questions (that tests the child’s knowledge rather than continues the conversation): “What colour is it?”, “What letter does it start with?” ,“How do you spell it?”… One way around this problem is by turning questions into comments by filling in the answers to the questions we originally wanted to ask.

For example, while volunteering at the children’s hospital:

(When a young child shows me a picture)

Child	This is for you. It’s a whale.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	(Instead of “How big is it?”, I say) It is a really big whale.
Child	I like whales.
Sam Sam the Magic Man	(Instead of “Where do whales live?”, I say) Whales swim in the sea.
Child	I like swimming, and I like whales because they swim in the sea.

I enjoy commenting on a child’s interest as children then elaborate on their interests and share with me the story they have to tell. Try to use comments more, and turn questions into a comment. Speaking of comments (great segue), leave a comment below and let me know what you think.